In Reply to: Joeys.. Rejection and Stress.. posted by Bourbon on March 19, 2000 at 04:11:19:

: This is not easy for me, but I feel I must do this, for not only Mary, but others as well..
: Wednesday while at work I recieved a call that my grandmother had passed on in PA. I live in TN. I went home and prepared for my trip. Baybe had just had 2 joeys come OOP the day before, As a general rule, I take Baybe with me everywhere, all trips, she is never left behind. I have posted many times of how she has preferred my company to that of the other gliders. Now I was stuck in a delimma, my hubby was staying home and his glider (the dad) would stay with him. I felt very confidant with leaving Baybe and the joeys home with him, as he has always been heavily involved with the gliders as well. I didn't want to take Baybe as the joeys were so very young, and I didn't want to add any stress. I was afraid the trip and all the running, people and changes would be too much for the joeys. so I opted to leave her and the joeys here at home, in the safe setting she was accomstomed to.
: My daughter had pulled the travel cage off the top of the main cage, when I got home Baybe was peeking out from her pouch, I proceeded to pack my stuff and took my travel bag into the living room. I put it on the floor by the couch. Baybe shot out of her pouch, without the babies, and started to cling to the side of the cage.. just as if she were saying in a panic " Mom, you taking me too aren't you? I am going, come on get me.. You going on a trip and your taking me too..etc.." this went on for the entire time I was getting other things ready. When I got finished I opened the cage door, she shot into my pocket.. I petted the joeys, as well as Smokey then I walked into the kitchen, apologizing to her for having to leave her beind this trip. I gave her a couple mealies, and went back to the cage. normally, I can just put my pocket towards the pouch and she will run into it.. NOT this time.. she was NOT leaving my pocket.. she was determined she was going with me. I actually had to scoop her from my pocket.. I felt bad for having to leave her, this would be our first trip without each other. We travel ALOT.. I told my hubby how she was determined she was going, and told him to spend some extra time with her.. and be sure to spoil her while I was gone.. and off I went.
: Thursday evening after my hubby got home from work, he called me and told me that Baybe had rejected her joeys.. He said when he got up that morning , the one was dead, and the other was in the pouch crying and Baybe wouldn't feed it. Within the hour, the second joey had died as well. We figure Baybe refused to feed them throughout the night.. I told him to immediatly take Baybe and Smokey to the vet, have tests run, fecals, etc.. to make sure she was sick. Our vet checked for parasites, or any abnormalies in their stools, for illness. She checked her pouch and teats to be sure she was producing milk, and that there wasn't any underlying problem, that maybe we were not aware of. The vet, as I had told my hubby, was in agreement. It was the stress of me not taking her with me. The bond we have was always much more important to her than other gliders.
: When I got home, the first place i went was her cage, at first she wanted nothing to do with me. She wouldn't come to me at all. I scooped her out and placed her on my chest.. she searched for my pocket.. (I was wearing a regular T with my cover shirt, she climbed onto my chest and started to purr, at first very lightly, then it got much louder, I took her in and gave her a few mealies, but she wouldn't leave me. she stayed in the same place for over an hour. I went to the cage and got Smokey out, my hubby played with him for a bit, but Baybe wasn't quick to play. eventually she did, but she would come back to me and sit on my chest till I put her back up, her reactions was of one that was very insecure. While on one of her "visits", she opened her pouch and started to clean it.. much like she did when the joeys were in there..
: I was faced with a major decision, and thought I was honestly doing the right thing by leaving her behind. I was so afraid that the stress of taking them would have been too much. I spoke with someone who is very dear to me, and she told me for most people that would have been the right choice.. but due to the nature of Baybe and my bond, she would have suggested I took her with me. I have to agree with her.. had we of lost the joeys while she was with me, I would still be writing this letter..and I would still be kicking myself. But I know Baybe, I knew she would have been angry with me leaving her behind, what I didn't know, is that she would have taken her anger out on the joeys. For me, the next time, I will take her with me..
:
: For Mary, I am so very sorry, I honestly thought it was in the best interest of the joeys that they stay behind. This is a choice for most I would have suggested. I know your pain, I too must live with it. I also must live with the guilt I have carried and will continue to do so. If there were a way, I could back up, and do it the other way, I would.. the way i look at it, Baybe was saying to herself, "Mom rejected her Baybe, now I will reject mine.." "If mom don't care, then why should I".. I am so very sorry...and I know, it won't help much, but I honestly thought I was doing the right thing..
:
: Please everyone, take into account your OWN bond with your glider, those that have the same tight bond, that I have with mine, please don't take it for granted.. After my conversation, I see now that Baybe MAY have been fine, had I of taken her with me. She MAY NOT of been so stressed, so depressed, or felt so rejected.

Follow Ups: